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Split Sided.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

1:45AM - It is time...

one moment to bind them, one second between dream and reality to destroy them, one breath fallen to wipe out a person forever, the one second of spasm to reach for the blade.

mind the gap. That little space between you and the train, the little hole of doubt, that one has to be conscious of falling through, though it seems impossible. mind the gap.

And then the gap explodes behind the train.

The emptiness that tails the leaving train, the black void that takes away your mind and conscious, and pulls your body in. You stand beyond the yellow line, and your feet are lifted away. Yellow. Mind the gap. Nothing matters or exists, just your lifeless body being tugged into that emptiness, that hypnotizing bliss that swallows you whole. mind the gap. You fall off balance in a slender manner forwards, and faintly see the tracks crossfade as you return to reality.

don't mind the gap. give into it. If it wants you, let it have you.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

9:53PM - the balance to chaos

the counter balance, my cold conscious. The half of me that doesn't care for much, and is deceptive even to me. Now its just bickering. I get up in the morning, and something sets off the memories and thoughts, and the bickering begins. Its this endless, incessant chattering in your mind. Its me arguing over myself, with myself. I can't drown it out. It follows wherever I go. I sit in lectures and seminars and Its this bickering in the back of my mind, slowly gnawing away at me. I dislocate a part of me to my work, while the two tear away at my mind and heart. I come back to this dorm room, and settle back in. I recede further but I can't escape them. I lie down and leave them to argue through my dreams.

"Just tell me who won in the morning".

Current mood: rejected

(voices in my head)

Wednesday, January 4, 2006

10:01PM - the second half

drown your hopes and drown your heart, to baptize a darker part...

Its strange to find a place..though it seems unoccupied. Where does one start? Its the mind's balance, its own immunity against one's nature. Its the cold conscious, the one that thinks straight usually with a pinch of a salt. I suppose in some twisted way it might be a form of pleasure. Aaaahh, I know.

I dream. I dream of a moment where my darker half visits me on a normal day. It asks my classmates where I can be found, and they ccan't seem to pin down what is fimilar about him. He loves these kinds of games, where he is in control and simply prodding the mind's of others. As long as he in control. The request for directions is unnecessary because he knows exactly where I am. He walks casually to meet me with a cold grin on his face. He catches me off-guard and afraid. Without him, I am defenseless and afraid. I know he's here for me. I stare into the darkness that conceals his face, and yet I see it so clearly. a mirror. I see each detail. and yet each one eludes me. I break as I stare into that darkness. And quickly bid my friends goodbye and beg some not to follow. I draw my strength from them. The little courage I can muster. and run. and run. and run. We are alone. An open field, just me and him. Blades are drawn, and we both know how its going to end. and yet we fight.

(voices in my head)